The Racing Slow Loris

The racing slow loris (tarda celeri lorisinae) is a subspecies of the slow loris which is a subspecies of the loris. They can run up to 46.92 miles per hour. They are commonly kept as pets and are commonly brought to bars to have racing bets. They were discovered by Terrence X. Pseudonym when he was in Madagascar. One of them challenged him to a race. He lost.

Cousins and Subsubsubspecies
They are distantly related to the human-following loris.